An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying
An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying.
“Well,” says the old fellow, “I just got married to a twenty-five-year-old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and then we walk together. In the afternoon, she makes me a wonderful lunch, and then we drink tea together. At dinner time, she makes me a wonderful supper, and then we watch TV together
The policeman looks at the old man and says, “You shouldn’t be crying! You should be the happiest man in the world!”
…
..
.
So the old man says, “I know! I’m crying because I don’t remember where I live!”
=================================
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were sitting in the OB/GYN’s office, and the brunette and the redhead were discussing whether they were having boys or girls.
The redhead said that she was on top, and the doctor said that was how to get pregnant with a boy.
The blonde, listening, began to cry.
The brunette said that she was on the bottom and the doctor said that was how to get pregnant with a girl.
The blonde then began crying in earnest.
The brunette and redhead rushed over and asked her what was wrong.
The blonde said, “Red is having a boy, you are having a girl, and I have just figured out that I am having puppies!”
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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette die and go to heaven…
There they are greeted by St. Peter who looks at them grimly.
“Unfortunately, heaven is quite full at the moment so you must all undergo a test to prove your worth. Before you all is the stairway to heaven totalling one thousand steps. On each step I will tell you a joke, they will get progressively funnier as you go higher with the funniest joke you’ve ever heard on the thousandth step. Should you laugh at any moment, you will instantly be sent to hell. Do you understand?”
The three girls nodded.
“Then let us begin,” St. Peter said.
They each got on the first step and St. Peter proceeds to tell them the worst joke you’ve ever heard in the world. As expected, none of them laugh and they proceed to the next step.
At the 365th step, the redhead bursts into laughter and is instantly sent to hell. The blonde and the brunette soldier onward. Once they get to the 800th step, the brunette doubles over in laughter and is instantly sent to hell.
St. Peter continues with the jokes, trying his hardest to get the blonde to laugh but to no avail. When they arrive at the 1000th step, before he could even open his mouth, the blonde shrieks hysterically dying from laughter. She is instantly sent to hell.
Puzzled, St. Peter descends down to hell to find the blonde. When he sees her he asks, “My child, you were doing so well. How come you started laughing? I have not even begun to tell the joke.”
The blonde, still laughing, replies, “I finally got the first joke!!”
